When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up so fast. Since my early days as the girl with the crooked bangs I can recall dragging around
our neighbourhood’s defenseless kitten
my little dolly’s and playing “Mommy”. Rushing to grow up so I could have my own real dolls to take care of.
I am so blessed to have my biggest want in life full filled. (The laundry sucks and so does having a bathroom door continually opened, but it is still wonderful.)
I didn’t know though, that there is this complete other side of motherhood; I had no idea being a mother would feel like THIS. Some days it feels like my heart has jumped out of my chest and is living and breathing and walking around in the form of my sweet living babies. When they giggle, and jump about, and smile, and accomplish new things, my heart feels like it will burst with happiness!
Then there are times when I feel like my heart is going to break into a million pieces; when I see my babies cry and hurt, or even picture them hurting. There are times when they are sick and going to doctors appointments that I can barely keep myself from becoming a blubbering mess. I have always felt deeply, and when it comes to my children, it takes me only an instant to feel their pain. If you have every experienced heartbreak then you know the type of feeling I am talking about; the kind that rushes in and takes over, and encourages a physical ache to grow in your chest.
If you don’t know that feeling, I pray you never do.
I didn’t know as a little girl, with my stroller full of baby dolls, that when I had real
baby dolls I would love them like THIS. I had no idea I would worry every second of the day about them. Are they too cold? Not happy enough? Meeting developmental milestones? Am I giving them an emotional complex? Do they know how much I adore them? Can they feel my heart stretching with so much love when they fall into me with an embrace?
And all of the other hundreds of questions I ask myself every day.
Sometimes, the way I feel for them is overwhelming. Tear inducing.
This week I felt like that. Don’t we all feel like that at one point or another?
We worry too much about our children, our family, our job, our cat and we don’t even think to pray about our situation? We try and fix a situation instead of learning from it?
The truth is, we all have hard days
, worrisome days, we all have pain,
doubt, inner struggles and heartache to deal with on a daily basis.
It is how we deal with those struggles that makes us who we are.
I want to be a woman filled with character, one that is strong and impacting and one that is humble and thankful. And lately, most of all, one that realizes she is not superwoman; one that shows my babies how to depend on God instead of my own strengths.
I am trying to trust more in God and less in myself. I am trying to have more belief and faith. as got me thinking about what I believe lately; I want my actions to prove
to my children what
I have been compiling a mental list…
I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if I can’t imagine what it could possibly be.
I believe in loving hard, even when it is hard to do so.
I believe in being thankful and letting others know that I love them.
I believe in seeing the good out of a bad situation.
I believe in miracles, big and small.
And most recently, I believe in being silent and listening to what God is trying to teach me in situations in my life and my children’s lives.
When I am silent, (which, lets be honest, isn’t often!) I hear so much more than when I am too busy trying to fix a situation or change it. I am learning to love those silent moments in my life. To put my precious babies in the care of their Maker. Those silent moments, (for us busy people) don’t happen often enough. When they do though, I like resting for a minute and knowing it is all figured out already, beyond me.
I hope you are encouraged today to stop and listen. I hope, if you are dealing with a situation where your heart is aching, you can feel true peace. I hope you can learn to believe in a lot of lovely things, like big and small miracles, loving so hard it hurts, being truly thankful even when it is difficult, and busting out some awesome dance moves, even when the clouds have opened and the rain is pouring down on you!
Sending all the best to you today, in whatever storm you are dancing through.