Lately, I have been so overcome with thankfulness. In fact, if I could pick a word that describes this year for me, it would be “Gratitude”.
Nine months ago I was involved in a car accident. I was hit directly on my drivers side. My car was totalled.
But worst of all, I was six months pregnant.
I couldn’t believe something like that was happening to me. Things like that happened to other people and I had, up to that time,been on the other side of the story. I would hear about their tragedy and would simultaneously gasp and say a prayer for them.
I went into preterm labor that day and was told I was one week shy of my unborn baby being viable. If labour continued, there would be “nothing” they could do for the child I had never seen, but already adored.
I made up my mind to be content with every moment that I was given with my unborn baby. I didn’t know how much time together we would share.
Every day after that, where I was alive to see my baby grow in the safety of my belly, I grew more and more thankful.
I would get overcome with pure happiness and extreme thankfulness with every passing day.
each passing day turned into six months later.
I remember sitting in the recovery room of the hospital with my mother and husband and saying over and over again that I couldn’t believe I was holding a baby
I couldn’t believe he was here in this world, safe and sweet and laying on my chest and we were about to share many more moments together.
My heart was overflowing with too much gratitude.
The last nine months have been life shaping for me.
After the car accident, I would lay awake at night, traumatised by the collision itself and the impending doom that had been over my unborn baby.
Over time, that feeling of fear would slowly slip away and instead I would find myself being overcome with complete joy.
Joy for the life I was living every day.
I finally realized what it meant to really be thankful for the life I had been given.
I would wake up in the mornings and look into the eyes of my children and wonder aloud at how blessed I was. I would clean up their messes of toys and craft supplies (and though i complained at times) I would also thank God that I was breathing and able to get frustrated at the mess I was constantly seeing develop.
I would find myself in quiet contemplation and prayer.
I noticed the flowers in the spring more and tried to see as many summer sunsets as I could. I found myself memorizing the freckles on my daughters nose and the flecks of colour in my sons eyes and the soft rise and fall of the breath of my miracle baby.
I was suddenly very aware that every day was a gift.
That is not to say that there werent and aren’t frustrating days.
There are many. But I am always well aware now that I am blessed to be a part of these frustrating days. I am so happy that I have been able to experience the joyous days and the frustrating ones.
This weekend where we express our gratitude and thankfulness, I don’t even know where to start.
My list is long.
I dont even mind missing out on sleep at night as I stay awake to count my blessings.
Because, really, I am HERE and it doesn’t get any better than that.