Little Letters

Dear baby boy, Stop growing up so fast. I miss the smell of  your newborn-ness and the way you always fit perfectly into the crook of my arm. I miss your baby coos and the way you use to tell me you were hungry by opening your mouth wide and bobbing your head all about. I miss wearing you around with me all day and knowing you were content by my warmth and my body. What a sweet gift you gave me, the gift of feeling enough and like I was loved unconditionally. You can stop trying to walk at nine months of age too…I know you want to keep up with your brothers and to show off to the world and all who know you, but you are making my heart ache every time you walk around the coffee table and I know one day soon you wont be a baby! You are nothing but joy to me, I know that with each day that you grow, together we will share more memories and more love…but remember not to grow up too fast…I really do love having you depend on me.

Dear little girl, I cant believe you have suddenly started growing up right before our eyes. You are constantly changing things around on me, what you call “organizing” drawers and laundry piles and closets. I cant stop smiling when I think of what you told me tonight as I tucked you into bed, “Mama, look, my plant is growing…” you pointed to your windowsill where you have lovingly moved any and all fake plants from around the house. I adore your imagination and common sence. I hope your green thumb is better than mine. I have been thinking and I am pretty sure it was you who was playing with that very old and forgotten bottle of Preparation H from the medicine closet, but your innocent eyes and sweet demeanor have convinced me that you can do no wrong.
I love playing “Mommy” with you when we are out running errands. I love to hear you pretending to be my mother and how I can see the world through your own eyes in the dialect we share together. You are exactly me, and when you are pretending to be me, it literally makes me want to stop all that I am doing and scoop you up and freeze time forever, because the reality is, one day you will be a mommy and you will leave me… my house will be neat and tidy and medicine will stay where it should, but my heart will be totally empty.

Dear big boy, I am trying so hard to understand you and all that you are. It is difficult for a girly Mama to understand why you want to jump off of everything and play hockey in the house every day. I am learning to stop what I am doing and give you my undivided attention when you ask for it. I know you wont ask for long. The times we spend together just the two of us, mean so much to me, you are growing into a boy I am so deeply proud of!
I loved colouring with you tonight and watching your growing hands grip those wild markers very tightly so you wouldn’t colour all over the table. I love that when your sister couldn’t find her lovey to sleep with tonight and I was getting frustrated, you gave her your favourite toy and you spoke to her in that sing song way you do that calms her immediately. I appreciate the way you carry laundry for me, your encouraging tone when you talk to your siblings and your abounding energy. I cant wait for summer when we can play hockey in the driveway together and repaint all of our walls inside.

Dear God, how did I get so blessed to have these three angels in my life?? Whatever I did to deserve them, I am forever thankful. Sometimes I feel like I know them so well, and just when I think I do, they change, or I change, and life changes and I look at them and have no clue what I am doing as their mother. How can I love these babies, each separately, and each the way that they need to be loved??? I am so thankful though, that in those times of doubt, You are there to remind me to trust my mothers heart and to guide them towards You.

Love,
A very blessed Mama

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Casey Leigh